Understand the energy of the body to be imperishable

That eternal spirit in the body is indestructible 2.17

 Don’t think this body to be the killer or the killed unwisely

The spirit neither kills nor is killed putting it simply 2.19

 The spirit is never born or will ever die, has no beginning or end

Uncreated, undying and eternal, it lives on as body comes to end   2.20

 Arjuna, once you know the spirit to be unborn, undying

And eternal, what meaning is there to killing  2.21

 Just the way you change clothes, the spirit does renew

Discarding old and useless bodies, taking on anew 2.22

 No sword can cut, no fire can burn, no water can wet

And no wind can dry the eternal spirit  2.23

Krishna continues the theme.

Earlier he said that he, Arjuna and all the other people on the Kurukshetra battle field have lived before, live now and will continue to live ever after. An inner energy stays within all of us even as we move from age to age, from life to death. The body changes, the spirit remains.

Expanding on that theme, Krishna says that the spirit, the inner energy, is for ever, indestructible. Therefore, no one kills or is killed, since there is something indestructible that lives on. In poetic flamboyance, Krishna says that no weapon can destroy, no fire can burn, no wind can dry and no water can wet the indestructible spirit. The spirit moves from body to body as if it’s changing clothes.

Krishna then says that Arjuna’s fear and guilt about killing his kinsmen is unfounded. What is there to kill, he asks since there is always something that lives on.

These verses and those that follow cause  a lot of concern to many people.

All those who believe that God created the Universe and this World in six days, only to rest on the seventh, and that too a mere ten thousand years ago, despite scientific evidence that this world at least is a few billion years old, will certainly be horrified at the thought of an undying spirit. Their notion would be that once we are dead, we are gone for ever.  The Holy Spirit has nothing to do with us, they would say.

Those who understand science would give these verses a second and a third thought.  At birth, or conception, energy became matter. At death, that matter became energy. All matter is destructible.  All energy is indestructible. In science, it is that simple. Krishna is a scientist, not a theologian.

The second issue is a bit tougher. If what Krishna says is true, why condemn murder and killing. Is it a mere carry over from the Ten Commandments?

From a social perspective, any killing  and any harming is abhorrent. There is no doubt about this. If we close our eyes to violence and killing, society as we know it will be destroyed. However, society is hypocritical in allowing such violence and killing as justifiable when it’s organized. Whether it’s a nation against a nation or a religion against a religion, we purge millions without a second thought. The victors are heroes and the losers villains, though both kill equal numbers.

What an individual should not do, institutions can and will do. But we never face the truth.

Krishna is not a hypocrite. He faces the truth squarely. He says there is no such thing as killing since there is no such thing as death, because something within us lives on.

Let us see what more he has to say!

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Never did I not exist, nor you, nor all leaders these

Nor shall any of us in future cease 2.12

 Spirit moves in this body through childhood, youth and old age

Likewise to another body at death! Don’t worry about this change 2.13

 Joy and sorrow come and go with senses like summer and winter

Bear with them unmoved or you will blunder  2.14

 Arjuna, stay firm and don’t be moved by joy and sorrow

You’ll surely be ready for liberation tomorrow  2.15

Krishna speaks again.

Arjuna had laid down arms in the middle of the battle field.  Arjuna’s dilemma was that to win the battle, he would have to kill his kinsmen, elders, teachers and friends. He was clear that this was not a price he was willing to pay for his victory.

Though a warrior by birth and training, fearless and confident by training, Arjuna’s moral compass did not allow him to cause destruction amongst people he had grown up with and respected. He would rather walk away as a loser than destroy what he had once loved as a victor. He seeks Krishna’s advice as one he trusts and respects. Krishna is his coach.

These are the first verses of Krishna’s long response to clear Arjuna’s mind. Krishna understands Arjuna’s dilemma.  Arjuna’s concerns stem from the fear that by killing those who stand in front of him and against him, they will cease to exist. This is what all of us believe. The body to us is the living proof of our life and living. Once the body ceases to breathe, we believe that we cease to live and exist.

Krishna says no!

Krishna says that we never have ceased to exist and nor shall we ever cease to exist.  He says we have always existed and shall continue to exist forever. There is an inner energy within us, the spirit, soul or whatever we may to call it, that stays the same even as we move from childhood through adolescence to adulthood and old age, as well as from life to what we call death.  At death, Krishna says, it moves from this body to another. This inner energy lives on, merely changing from one shape to another.

Krishna tells Arjuna not to worry about this change of our inner energy. Life and death move the spirit the same way as joy and sorrow move through us in life. Krishna advises  Arjuna to cope with these changes, whether joy or sorrow, life or death, with equanimity.

Death is merely a shift from matter to energy. Energy cannot be destroyed. Nor can the spirit be. What scientists say today, Krishna  the Coach expounded several thousand years ago. As long as we understand that the spirit lives on, there is no need to fear death.

This is Krishna’s message to Arjuna.

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I acknowledge this internet picture, possibly of a Bollywood film depicting the India mythical warrior hero Arjuna..

Arjuna says to Krishna:

I’m confused, weak and disturbed, now tell me

As a disciple surrendered please instruct what’s best for me 2.7

How do I overcome the grief that overwhelms me

Wealth and power on earth, or even in heaven, will not help me 2.8

Arjuna was indeed the greatest warrior of his time, the best known archer and along with his brothers, The Pandavas,   righteous upholder of dharma, cosmic law reflected in society.

Such a man has broken down. He breaks down in the middle of the battle field, minutes before he is to wage war against his sworn enemies. Arjuna is confused because the people who he had imagined to be his greatest enemies now appear to him as his friends, relatives, and teachers. He is confused and disturbed, caught in a dilemma.

Each of us faces such situations in life, even though we may not be warriors about to wage war.

Earlier on,  Arjuna had wailed and moaned about how if he destroyed his enemies, all of whom were related to him in one way or another, the entire fabric of society, the kula dharma, would be destroyed. he then sat down on his chariot dropping his fabled bow Gandiva.

Krishna then chastised him terming his words and action unmanly. These words are Arjuna’s response. He no longer indulges in rhetoric but surrenders to the wisdom of his coach to help  him out of his depression.

Many clients behave this way, perhaps not so dramatically. They are confused, caught in a dilemma and depressed. Krishna’s relationship with Arjuna is a special one and he can chastise him and Arjuna will accept that. Not all coaches can behave the same way with their clients, especially Gen Y clients. The coach needs to be more circumspect.

What Krishna sees in Arjuna is a lack of authenticity at this point. A great, fearless warrior expresses fear, not for himself but for his society and the future generations. Krishna does not buy this logic.

A modern day coach would need to probe his client further to check from where the fear emanates. Fortunately, neither coach nor client are in a battle field. Arjuna’s words are not a true reflection of his values. Since you and i may not know the client that well, we need to discover the client’s values as well.

Authenticity, resulting in behavior aligned with one’s values is essential for one’s emotional well being. Quite often, harmful client behavior results from unauthentic behavior misaligned with value systems.

I acknowledge 1000 Ventures site and Max Landsberg for this graphic.

Krishna said:

Arjuna, why are you affected by all that’s not true and pure

They don’t suit your values and drag you down for sure 2.2

Partha, this impotence does not befit you

Rise above this weakness and become you 2.3

Krishna, the Coach listens to his client Arjuna for an entire chapter in silence. He then speaks.

Some experts classify Coaches in 4 categories. Based on whether the Coach acts through behavioral issues or knowledge issues, the Coach acts either through Will or Skill. Krishna, the ultimate Coach represents high Will and high Skill. There is no one better than him to coach Arjuna.

Different situations call for different strokes. Arjuna has sat down in the middle of a battle field, in full view of his enemies, refusing to fight. This is no occasion to molly coddle Arjuna.

Arjuna is a warrior, one who has faced fear all his life and conquered all he had faced. It is a momentary confusion that blinds Arjuna, not lack of courage.

Krishna goes straight to the point and challenges Arjuna: What’s all this nonsense? Where are your values and beliefs? What you have spouted so far do not belong to you. You’re not this cowardly creature that you present yourself as. Stand up and be authentic.

When mentors tell would be coaches to be gentle, passive, polite and always positive, one should remember Krishna. Tough clients, especially successful executives and CEOs don’t need namby pamby mollycoddlers as Coaches. They would like to be told the truth, They would like the Coach to hold a mirror to their face and show them the warts they have refused to see thus far. The Coach must act in the client’s best interest.

If good words, positive affirmations and a good bedside manner are what a client needs, then the client ought to go to a hospital, not a Coach. The client is then facing death, not battle.

Krishna is a warrior Coach. He is the supreme executive Coach.

Krishna tells Arjuna to be authentic. I can write a book on authenticity. The Johori Window technique is all about discovering the authentic ‘me’.

Arjuna needs to recognize his purpose in life, rediscover his value systems and redefine his beliefs. He then needs to establish the vision for the battle that faces him.

Krishna, the supreme Coach, does this.

Arjuna saw in the armies both, fathers and grandfathers

Teachers, Uncles, sons, friends, relatives and grandsons 1.26, 1.27

Seeing his kinsmen standing up ahead

Arjuna overcome with sorrow said 1.28

I want not kingdom or pleasures, or victory in this strife

Krishna, how will kingdom and pleasures help or even life? 1.32

They, for whom we seek kingdom, happiness and pleasures

Stand here risking life and their treasures 1.33

We are all set to commit a great sin

To gain kingdom by slaying our kin     1.45

Far better for me that the Kauravas with their arms

Slay me in battle yielding without arms  1.46

The Bhagavad Gita, or Gita for short, is probably the most widely read Hindu scriptural text. In 700 verses, each two lines long,  in a part of the epic Mahabharata, the longest poem written, the poet Vyasa describes the travails of two ancient warring clans. What makes the Gita special is the interplay between Krishna, God incarnate as the Coach and Arjuna, his human alter ego as the client.

Krishna, at Arjuna’s request, serves as his unarmed charioteer.  At Arjuna’s request Krishna places the chariot in the middle of the battle field. Surveying what’s in front of him, Arjuna breaks down and decides to quit the battle.

The verses above, from the Gita’s first chapter, are Arjuna’s explanation of why he wants to give up before a single arrow is shot. On both sides are families he grew up with. His cousin is his arch-enemy. With him are his teachers and mentors. Arjuna sees no purpose in slaying his kinsmen and elders even if the outcome is a kingdom. Dropping his bow, the feared Gandiva, Arjuna sits down refusing to fight.

Arjuna is confused. He is depressed. He is afraid that what he is about to do is incorrect. The answer to him is simple. Inaction by refusing to wage battle seems the right choice.

Gita is a probably a metaphor on life, perhaps not part of  a historical event. It is a metaphor of the fight between the good and the bad within us, portraying the constant battle we all wage everyday between our yin and yang. On our own it is tough to realize what’s going on within us. As Einstein remarked, ‘ones who created the problem cannot be expected to solve the problem’.

What we need is a Coach.

Krishna, the ultimate Coach, stays silent throughout Arjuna’s outburst. He wants to hear him out. Then he speaks.

I acknowledge this picture from the Net.

I also apologize if i convey the impression that the ape is non-human.  I truly believe they are better than human.

Be real, Be human, says Thomas Leonard in his twenty-seventh and final principle.

In one of the final chapters of the Vedic scripture Bhagavad Gita, Krishna, God Incarnate, describes to his human alter ego Arjuna, the finer aspects of humanity.

This chapter is titled Yoga of Divine and Demonic qualities.

Every human is divine in part and demonic in part. Krishna explains the difference very simply. He says that when we look at ourselves and the world from our own perspective, that of I, the ego, we are demonic. When we switch ur perspective to the other, that of you, with concern and care about growth and contribution to others, we become divine.

It is actually that simple.

One doesn’t have to run through all 750 verses of the Gita, or all books of the Bible and other scriptures of other religions to understand what divinity is about. The essence of this chapter says it all. Move from I to You and you become divine.

We are all caught in the yin yang of Tao. Within our divine Self lies a demon, and within the demon we are gods. How do you move within to the god? Just focus on the other.

This is the essence of all coaching. Anyone who takes up coaching for any other reasons has lost it all. Coaching must stem from the deep desire to be value to others, by placing them above us. One who succeeds in this, succeeds in coaching well.

In an Anthony Robbins video, i heard him talk about the psychological needs of people as security, variety, attention need, growth and contribution. The fist four attributes are usually focused on the I or Me. The last is all about You.

When we can get past our security needs, variety needs, attention needs and growth needs, we reach the Maslow hierarchy of Self-actualization, what Robbins called the contribution space. Krishna called this the divine Self.

It’s so easy to be divine.  be a coach and focus on the client!

I acknowledge this picture of a vision board from the Net.

Have a vision says Thomas Leonard in his twenty-seventh principle.

In one of my classes at a local University, teaching MBA class, i asked the students how many of them saw themselves as Chief Executives at the end of 15 or 20 years. Out of a class of 60, merely 5 hands went up. When i asked the rest why they cannot see themselves at the helm of an enterprise  they were training themselves for at a huge cost, the main excuse was that they felt they were not ready yet.

Vision is the opposite of readiness.

If you are ready, you don’t need to envision or visualize. You need to create a vision about something that you are not even sure of, let alone be ready for.  Vision is the elastic band of time that you stretch from current reality to a future unknown, which you wish were in. If that future is well-known, what’s the need to envision?

In most coaching models, vision needs to be grounded in one’s values, designed for one’s purpose and grounded in some reality. These are safe and conservative models.

Abraham Lincoln would have never been President if he had followed such coaching principles.  Lincoln failed in business several times, lost elections multiple times, even lost a Vice Presidential race, and yet at 60 became President of USA. The route from the log cabin to White House was neither easy nor realistic.

If visions were grounded in reality, man would have never landed on the moon!

Visions are dreams. Visions are dreams we are determined to live. What is life without dreams? What is life without a vision?

Good coaching can align one’s vision with one’s values and purpose. You don’t have to start there.

I call this the Zen of Coaching. As the coaching leads the way through awareness in a client, a moment of reality merging with vision happens, what a Zen master would call satori. That’s the purpose of coaching.

There is no truth. Truth lies in each moment: Bhagawan Ramana Maharishi

Recognize and Tell the truth is Thomas Leonard‘s twenty-sixth principle.

It does take a saint to speak the truth about truth.

What’s truth?

Your truth is not mine. Hitler’s truth was not that of the Jews he annihilated. Bush’s truth was not that of the Iraqis he mass destroyed.

Does a doctor tell a dying patient that she is dying? is there a unanimously acceptable answer?

Perhaps a coach can afford to tell the truth, even it harms the client. But, does the client benefit with such coaching?

Unfortunately, all truths are as we perceive them to be. They are all judgmental. The truth before Copernicus was that the Sun went around the Earth. Those who didn’t believe deserved to die. That has been the way of life since its creation. Why is it any different now?

I don’t know what truth is.  But, i do know what my coaching client wants and what may benefit him.

Just because Thomas Leonard said so and institutions founded by him teach so, doesn’t mean what he said is meaningful.

Most, if not all of us, cannot recognize a truth from a lie, let alone tell it as the truth. As Ramana Maharishi said, and as Buddha and Zen masters over time have repeated, truth is relative. It is not absolute. It is limited by time , space as well as the observer.

This is what Quantum Physics says today.

There is no certainty in nature. There is only probability. What is true of sub atomic particles is true of the universe as well. Truth is relative to the observer.

The celebrated Vedic philosopher Shankara called this maya. People interpret maya as illusion. It is not. Maya is real, but it is relatively real. In absolute terms, all our experiences are  impermanent and therefore maya. Buddha called it anicchha.

Truth is not what you are conditioned to believe and perceive and recognize to be true. It is as unreal as a lie. The only truth in a coaching relationship is the welfare of the client.

I acknowledge this cartoon from the Net.

Thomas J Leonard’s twenty-fifth principle is: Master the craft.

I guess Thomas Leonard’s advice refers primarily to the profession of coaching that he helped promote.

International Coaching Federation, ICF, has honored this principle by creating a Master class among coaches. Despite rumors to the contrary, i understand that this élite credential will stay.

Every profession needs to recognize and reward excellence. Very few will disagree with this. In addition to name and fame, such excellence and mastery and in turn recognition, also favors the wallet and the bank balance.

In this context, mastery in material skills, including coaching, may differ from mastery in spiritual skills, such as zen. I am sure that a genuine zen master does not seek credentials or recognition, or name or fame, or a bank balance. Those who do, like some non-zen frauds i have encountered, do not deserve to be called or treated as masters.

Whether one seeks mastery as in the case of coach, or doesn’t as in the case of zen, who decides on mastery?

One can say, in the case of coaches, perhaps ICF.

This, as i have learnt recently, causes a lot of bitterness in those who do not seem to be recognized as masters of this coaching craft. Grapes do become sour when you can’t get at them.

In most coaching related sites on Linked In that i visit, once in 3 months some one would pose this question: are credentialed coaches better than those who are not?

Those who ask me such questions get my stock answer: it’s the consumer, in this case the client, who decides.

Anthony Robbins and Marshall Goldsmith have no credentials. They are celebrated coaches. The market recognizes them, even if credential agencies don’t.

Mastering the craft, the coaching craft, is indeed important. Every coach who has self-respect and self-confidence would aspire to such mastery. Whether he or she cares to be recognized is up to them.

I acknowledge this cartoon from the Net.

Thomas Leonard says in his twenty-fourth principle: Simplify everything.

Of course, we do simplify everything, everything that fits into our perceptual framework that is.

NLP talks about meta models of generalization, deletion and distortion.

We learn a few things, we are conditioned by a few experiences and then we generalize based on these. We use inductive logic to expand from the few to all, with insufficient support. We chunk up without establishing a foundation.

We also delete and distort what doesn’t ft into such generalization. Dogs bite but our pets don’t and our neighbor’s barking dog certainly does.

This is not Thomas Leonard meant.

Not having known him or taught by him, i guess i am at an advantage. I can take liberties. Perhaps he meant that we focus on what’s important.

This leads me to another diversion, that of another guru, Stephen Covey. He is the man who created the infamous two by two matrix on what’s important and what’s urgent that time management experts swear by, without even understanding what’s wrong with it.

Urgency has nothing to do with importance and value, especially if it’s not urgent to you. When Covey and time management experts advise us to delegate what’s not important but urgent, do they really understand what they are saying. Dump the rubbish on those who can’t refuse is the message.

There is only one category of stuff that’s worth doing and that is what you decide is really important to you. It’s your choice, i tell my coaching clients, you need to make up your minds. Do remember to fit those with your values, purpose and vision.

Zen is not about purposelessness. Life’s journey is the purpose.

I do believe in Pareto. He has stood by me in difficult times. So, i tell my coaching clients to rely on Pareto and mercilessly chop off 80% of what’s on their table. For good measure, chop another 80% and they are left with about 4% of what they started with.

This is simplification. This is Zen. I am sure Thomas Leonard will approve. I hope coaches agree.

Do this with everything, your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.  Watch the magic happen and the miracle unfold.

I acknowledge this t shirt ad from the Net.

Thomas Leonard says in his twenty-third principle: Orient yourself around your values.

I wonder whether i am the only one confused between values and beliefs. I am also confused when trying to understand the difference between thoughts and feelings.

To talk about the simpler difference, the best non technical explanation that i have heard says that thoughts are of the mind, feelings arise from the heart. This means that feelings have an emotional content and are from the heart. Ergo, this perhaps means that the mind is unemotional.

I shall leave this to semantic scholars who have little else to do to sort out!

What about values and beliefs? Are they different?

What about noble values and undermining beliefs? They are different, aren’t they?

Why should values always be good, whereas beliefs may be good or bad? If our values are not so noble and good, as indeed those of Hitler were not, should we still orient ourselves around them?

It is easy to say that to have integrity, our thoughts, speech and actions must be congruent. Does this mean that if our thoughts are evil, we can continue to act evilly and still maintain integrity?

I have across many people who profess honesty and make a big deal about their values and integrity. I have known many companies, which publish voluminous ethics documents. In practice, there is a huge variation between what they say and what they do. Everyday, we hear about such people and such institutions in our daily dose of news.

Do such people not have values? Or is that their values are different from what we expect of them?

What about you? How much of what you preach, you practice?

I spent many years of my life following a fraud guru whose actions turned out to be totally different from his teachings. His values had flaws, as i perceived them, but he did follow his values. Perhaps, i expected him to follow my values.

Should Thomas Leonard have said: Orient yourself around my values!

Coaching at its essence is a co-creative process. Coaching is a constructive and positive process, where the coach and the client journey together, learning together, supporting each other.

This journey depends how they acknowledge each other. The client having sought the coach out would have the natural tendency to defer to the coach. The coach has the responsibility to acknowledge the client and his achievements as they journey. This is the first step of a process that builds the relationship.

We all like to be liked. We all like to be appreciated and acknowledged.

Whether we meet a person face to face or we are in remote conversation, there are several opportunities to notice and acknowledge the person we deal with. It may be the appearance, it may be the grooming, it may be the tone of voice or it may be one of many things we can always find to praise and compliment the other upon.

Watch the Japanese greet a person, a friend or a stranger. They always bow down deep, expressing deep respect and warmly greet one another. If a stranger, they hand over a card with both hands,a gain bowing down. When they receive a card, they receive it with both hands, bowing down. They then look at it carefully before they put it away.

Each action is deliberate. Each action is designed for respect.

In most other parts of the world, the handing over and receiving a card is perfunctory. We barely glance at the card unless the person is important. The respect given to the other person is conditional upon the person’s status, and what that person can do for us.

Co-creation is about genuine respect to the person we deal with, irrespective of that person’s relative importance. power and wealth. It is an acknowledgment of another human, relating to that person in inner energy terms. This is when learning happens. This is how our energy spreads.

A coach always co-creates with the client without conditions and without judgment.

In his twenty-first principle Thomas J Leonard says: See how perfect the present really is.

The present moment is the only time when we are really whole and integrated.

In Hindu mysticism, the Sri Chakra represented in the diagram above, is a two-dimensional representation of the Universal energy frozen in time and space.  Its various overlapping triangles, circular and square shapes represent different dimensions of the time and space energies. It is used as a symbol to focus and center on one’s inner energy.

Have you ever really thought about the present as the only time element that really exists? Just the way as the point where you are now is the only space that is real?

All else is illusory.

The past is history. It will never come again. The future is fictional. It is mere speculation. Any space other than what you occupy now is irrelevant to you. What matters is the HERE and NOW.

When the Vedic Hindu philosopher Shankara spoke about life being maya or illusion, he never meant to say that life is not real. He meant that life exists only in one time and space dimension. Rest of what we consider life is illusory. Since time fleets and space shifts, nothing in our life is permanent. Everything is temporary. It is the impermanence of life that maya refers to.

This is why the present is truly a present, a gift, from the Universe. Unfortunately, we do not treasure it. We also do not understand how to freeze ourselves in the present.

Several thousand years ago, philosophers and mystics in ancient Vedic India pondered on this dilemma of how to freeze fleeting time.  Patanjali, the father of the science of Yoga, offered the ultimate solution. Freeze the mind to freeze time, he said.

Patanjali, in his Yoga Sutra, a text of 196 verses, defined an eight fold path that one can practice to freeze the mind and time. This, he said, leads to the union of mind, body and the inner spirit and realization of the Self.

If the eight limbs of Patanjali’s prescribed path are condensed to one essential element, that would be meditation. Meditation is the way of the ultimate coach.

I acknowledge this great picture from the Net.

In his eighteenth principle Thomas J Leonard says: Sensitize yourself!

To some, the easiest way out of their problems is to withdraw from them. Some go to the extent of committing suicide, which is the ultimate withdrawal, leading to rejection of life.

Some may not go that far, but start believing that the best way is to ignore what happens around them. They find themselves too sensitive to handle the rigors of life. They find themselves reacting to situations and people. They find themselves controlled by what happens around them. They feel helpless. They withdraw.

Withdrawal is regressive.

The Confucian ethics represented by these three Japanese wise monkeys extended beyond seeing, hearing and speaking no evil. The fourth monkey, normally left out crosses its arms, doing no evil. The symbolism was not withdrawal but an active avoidance of bad deeds.

None of us can be inactive. As Krishna says in the Gita, to act is human nature. We need to know how to act. To know how to act or how to respond to a situation instead of reacting to a situation, one must be aware. One must be aware on oneself and one’s environment. A Samurai or a Zen master does this naturally even with eyes closed. One can become aware even with the senses closed to the external world.

In fact, one can only be aware when one senses turn inwards.

You can sensitize yourself by repeatedly throwing yourself at the world. Just recollect how often you continue to do things that you regret later, like getting angry, impatient and desirous. They repeat despite learning because you are not ‘really’ aware. Your conscious mind may be aware, but the huge 90 per center subconscious is not.

Sensitize yourself to your Self!

The only proven way to do this is meditation. If you want to know, go back some pages on these posts.

You may end up a better coach!

i acknowledge this cartoon from the Net.

In his seventeenth principle Thomas J Leonard says: Endorse your worst weaknesses.

How do stop other people from bullying you?

The starting point is the understanding that people are bullying you. If you are not even aware and people do, it doesn’t matter anyway. But, if you do understand and resent that, you have two options. Stand up and fight. Not all of us have the strength and guts. The other is to convert that weakness of being a victim into a strength.

How?

Sun Tzu, the celebrated Chinese General says in his Art of War that retreating from a battle is not a sign of weakness, but a smart thing to do by a strong army when things are not going its way, for whatever reason. Sun Tzu rarely advocates brute strength as the means to vanquish an enemy. He advises warriors to act both on the strength they have  and the weaknesses they suffer from.

The Japanese, Korean and Chinese martial arts all work on not exploiting one own strengths but some one else’s weaknesses. They do this with people who do not understand their weaknesses and accept them as points on which not to launch on an offensive.

On the face of it, a woman in India is less emancipated than her counterpart in the US. Yet, India had a very powerful woman Prime Minister, a woman President and several Chief Ministers of States have been women. How many in the US?

The average woman is far more powerful in her milieu in India than in the Western world. She exploits her weaknesses as her strengths.

Feminism is still relatively unheard of in India. Rarely do women stand up and fight for their rights, let alone burn their bras. They don’t, because by deferring to social mores, and by keeping a low profile, they rule the household and the community.

Ask any average male in India s to who his strongest influence has been?  Without doubt the majority would point to their mothers or wives.

Women make excellent coaches, not because they are strong or weak, but because they have a far greater awareness and acceptance of who they are.

Hope you love the Beatles on Please Please Me as much as i do!

In his sixteenth principle Thomas J Leonard says: Show others how to please you.

This comes in two parts.  Allowing others to please you and being pleased.

How can anyone please us if they don’t know what pleases us?  I generalize people in two types on this behavior. One type of people who are easy-going, easy to lease, pleased with most things they come across in life and being proactive in letting know of their simple needs in life. Such people spread joy wherever they go.

There is another type that you generally wish stayed at home, or you stayed at home. They are unhappy with almost everything in life, no one and nothing can please them and i am not sure if they know what can make them happy. They are depressed and depress others.

These type of people cannot be coaches.

Coaches are joyful and spread joy around them. They are easy to please and set out their requirements transparently. They also expect their clients t do the same, so that respect and trust can spring mutually.

There can be only reason for some one not be open about one’s needs and likes. It is to test the other person and prove that person to be wanting.  In modern management even quality control staff do not do this. After the Toyota Production System replaced the Statistical Quality Control System pioneered by US auto giants, it’s all wysiwig, what you see is what you get. Everyone on the shop floor knows what’s right and what’s wrong and have the right to do something about it.

The second issue is about being pleased. When our needs are simple and we realize that the purpose in life is to be joyful and making others joyful, being pleased and pleasing others becomes a habit.

One then becomes a Coach!

This dangerously tilting overcrowded bus from an internet picture of Indian conditions, could have been China or one of a dozen countries, illustrates how tolerant and apathetic we are to inhuman conditions.

In his fifteenth principle Thomas J Leonard says: Tolerate Nothing.

Intolerance is a bad word to many of us. We do not like intolerant people. Tolerance to all behavior patterns is considered a good thing.  Is it?

Should we tolerate despotism? Should we tolerate terrorism? Should we tolerate other human beings being abused?

Each of us has a road map in our head, a matrix of values and beliefs, which draws a line at which our tolerance wears thin. Usually it is when it affects us personally. As long as it’s only my neighbor who is bullied by local gangs, it’s ok. How much longer before the gangs reach me?

There are certain things in life that none of us should tolerate. Unkind treatment of another living being is one such. Be it murder, rape, genocide, or slavery, most of us would raise our voices against these.  We  may differ on solutions, but unless we have a warped mindset, these acts would affect us negatively.

The line gets blurred at acts that may cause mental cruelty. Since each of us has different levels of sensitivity to these things,  we may get varied responses to how offensive we find inefficiencies such as unpunctuality, discourtesy, poor customer response etc. We also may differ on how we want to respond to such negative acts.

Despite the much vaunted consumer rights activism in USA, i find that services are much poorer in USA than in many Asian countries. American airlines, in my opinion and in general, have the worst service attitude. So do many other American institutions such as departmental stores and even the so-called hospitality sector businesses as hotels and restaurants. No one seems to take pride in serving another person.

Yet, i find most Americans tolerant to these in their country, while waxing eloquently about how rotten services are in other countries.

Intolerance to inefficient and ineffective behavior must begin at home, much like charity.

I acknowledge this lovely picture of a rain forest from the internet.

Thomas J Leonard said in his fourteenth principle: Thrive on the details.

More often than not, gurus advise us not to miss the forest for the trees or not to sweat the small stuff. Once in a while some other gurus tell us that God lives in the details!  Here, the coaching guru is quite explicit.

I find it difficult to understand the difference when people argue this point. I can understand superficiality and how that is no good. But, i find it difficult to understand how one can take a macro view without knowing the micro details. One converges into the other. One emerges from the other.

It is like saying forget the present and focus on the future. It’s the present of today that turns into the future of tomorrow. If you don’t mind the present, there may not be a tomorrow. The present are the trees and the future is the forest. Can we build a forest without planting trees?

At the same time, should our vision stop at planting trees rather than creating a forest?

When i studied Logic decades ago, i learnt that there were two branches of Logic, Inductive and Deductive. Inductive logic focused on details and moved from details to generalizations. One observed human beings and found that all humans had two feet, two legs, two eyes and so on, and surmised by induction that all humans had these features.

Deductive logic started with universal assumptions and applied them to specifics. Knowing that all humans have these features, we deduce that you and i too have the same features. What is important is that these two are complementary. Inductive and deductive Logic are  two sides of the same coin, as are trees and forests of our ecology.

A coach too has to look at both, details as well as a holistic picture. Unless you thrive on details, you cannot get the total picture.

Thomas J Leonard says in his thirteenth principle: Get your personal needs met once and for all.

A great Hindu philosopher saint, Ramana Maharishi, said: This universe can meets the needs of billions, but cannot satisfy the wants of even one.

When does a need turn into a want?

Abraham Maslow presented his hierarchy of needs in 1943. He referred to needs and not wants, since he was talking about the essential requirements of one’s life, not idle desires.  Maslow postulated that we have five need layers and upon fulfillment of one layer we move to the next. No one has disputed this theory.

While i have no disagreement with Maslow on the five layers, which in my opinion may be actually seven, i dispute his assumption that we move from one to another by fulfilling each layer.

My own observation shows two key variances. One that even as we move up the layer ladder, we do retain unfulfilled needs from the previous layer. No one i know has fully overcome his or her physiological or survival needs or the safety or security needs,  even as move up to level three and four.

Insecurity of hunger and other essential survival needs often drive us to higher needs as a better way of fulfillment of the lower needs. If this were not the case,  a very wealthy man would no longer need wealth. He would give it all away.

The second variance i find is that very few of us climb this ladder. Almost every one i know of is already knocking on level four as an adult. Very few of us need to struggle through layers of survival, safety and relationship needs, having been taken care of by caregivers. Once we are on our own, we are already engaged in the process of building name , fame and such other esteem needs.

Our personal needs have been met once and for all for most of us! The problem is that we are not aware of this and still want!

The hallmark of a coach is the self-awareness that we indeed have arrived at the door step of self-actualization. Without this realization, a coach cannot be effective.

I acknowledge this favorite Cliff Richard song on mine on you tube.

The twelfth principle of Thomas Leonard is: Eliminate delay.

From childhood, our elders bring us up with lessons in punctuality and fulfilling our promises. Yet, in adulthood, we hesitate many a time to stand by our commitments. Sometimes we hesitate out of greed, sometimes out of fear and often out of sheer laziness.

When someone asks us why we haven’t done what we promised, we say that we tried, but we didn’t succeed. It could be that we never even lifted a finger in attempting to do what we promised, but this excuse seems to work most of the times and so we continue. People seem happy with the intent and the implied apology that the failure to fulfill what we promised was outside our control.

Trying is never good enough. Trying does not get things done. Action gets things done.

Eastern wisdom, whether Zen or Tao, says that the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. We must take that single step to begin any journey. We must wet our toes before we can cross a river. Otherwise, we would be standing on the shoreline for ever trying to cross.

Trying is not commitment, Trying is not action. It is a delaying tactic. It is an excuse.

Delay is the first enemy of time management. Time management gurus say that we must do what is important and urgent immediately with no delay. I agree.

They then say that we should delegate what is urgent but not important to others. I disagree. If something is not important why do it at all. If it is not important to you, it cannot be urgent to you, however urgent it may be to someone else. Why delegate and waste someone else’s time.

A coach’s role is to maximize the value of his or her own time and that of the client. Respect for the client and client’s time demands that there is no delay and that we act upon only what is truly important.