I owe this process to Alan Seale, teleclass leader at ICA.

Alan taught is this as part of a coaching process. One can use this process in any life situation that leaves us in an emotionally disturbed state.

In all situations when we are disturbed emotionally, angry, sad or depressed, it is normal for us to look for someone to blame for the situation we are in. It is the rare person who looks in to see if  he/she is the problem.  If one can do that, it is unlikely that such a person would be disturbed in the first place.

This is the Drama phase of the situation.

I am late for an appointment. My first instinct is to blame the traffic. Or the friend who wasted a precious 10 minutes just as i was about to start from home. Or the alarm clock that failed to go off. The possibilities are endless.  The more I think about how much i have been wronged,  the more victimized i feel. I am a victim of circumstances.  Every one is out to get me. Oh, God, Please help me from fellow humans!

Once i have exhausted the possibilities of blame, i need to think about how to fix the situation i am in. The Situation, the second phase, sinks in when i exhaust the Drama phase.

I need to think about what excuses i can offer. Or would it be possible to reverse the situation and blame the other person who i have stood up?  My mind whirls, as i scan the potential list of counter actions.

In the normal course of events, i do not proceed further. Whatever fix-it solution i choose, i stay with guilt. I know that i have been late. I know that i shouldn’t have been.  This is a pattern with me, if i care to look at it deeply, but that would damage my ego.

So, i spend my life between the Drama and Situation phases piling more and more of guilt, even as i get mired into my self-created image of the victim.

There is another way to live my life. I can take responsibility.

I can move to the state of Choice. Here, i choose what i wish to be. Instead of being the  victim, i can choose to acknowledge the fact that i created the situation. I woke up late. I did not start in time. No one or nothing else delayed me. I delayed myself. I can acknowledge that and choose to be responsible for my actions.

We all can move into Choice instead of getting mired into the Situation of looking for solutions to fix the problem.

Once i choose what i wish to be, in this case responsible for my actions, i open myself up to a whole series of opportunities.  Through Choice I move into Opportunity.

It is possible that the person i have come to meet has been busy with some one else and the fact that i am late suits him. My own apology may trigger an apology from him and a  greater bonding. It is possible that once i realize i am likely to be late, i can call the person i am to meet to explain my problem and mutually work out a solution. It is also possible that the appointment gets canceled as a result of my delay. Am I so sure that it’s a bad thing?

Once we understand that instead of getting mired between Drama and situation phases of a problem, once we explore the state of Choice, who we wish to be and how we wish to act, we can return to the situation with far greater confidence and far superior Opportunities.

The question is about what role we wish to play and take responsibility for that role.

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